The single biggest mistake a job candidate can make is to allow themselves to become unhappy. Not so fast, you say? Consider this!
People do not hire unhappy people. People try to avoid unhappy people. People that allow themselves to become unhappy are less productive and often wind up with an unhappy life.
Sure, being unhappy is a temporary state, brought on by unemployment, the stress of finding a new job and often the impact of income loss. “Being happy” while you are searching for a job might seem like an oxymoron.
Part of this is because happiness is not often associated with a painful process – right? Typically, other people perceive being unemployed as sad, conjuring up visions of someone pounding the pavement and computer keyboard all day.
Therefore it stands to reason, “allow yourself to become unhappy” and the likelihood of you finding and being offered work, gets further and further away.
This is caused by “social influence”, which shapes our reality-how we see others, how we see ourselves and how others see us.
It is this combination of perceptions that form a negative or positive representation about your self image and when job searching is your task, self image is everything.
Consider this: no one knows anything about you, other than what you let them know. People are attracted to happy, positive, attractive people. So, if you choose to appear and act happy, people will read that as confidence and assume you are happy.
If you repeat this behavior and do it often, your representation of yourself will change and people’s perception of you will be positive.
I am sure you have heard the saying, “walk like a duck, talk like a duck .you’re a duck”. Trust me there is overwhelming psychological research as well as plain common sense that what people perceive about you, is what you portray to them.
These are not profound insights. However, what is profound is how many people go through a job search as an applicant appearing anxious, depressed, or desperate, sending all the wrong signals. So, we’ve all heard the age old saying that happiness is a choice. So, how will you remain or become happy when you are jobless?
- Be around happy people. Get the negative influences away from you and fast. – Do one positive thing each day that is all about you. Something you love. Calling a friend. Going for a swim. Or whatever makes you feel good. – Finally, if all else fails, “flip the switch” to happiness. I call it “scared happy”. Have an “aha” moment knowing how much being unhappy will hurt you!
My personal “switch” is a vision of a person in a hospice center preparing to die. That cognition evokes such a strong emotion in me that it immediately causes me to “switch” to being grateful that I am not that person.
The moment that I realize I am not that person dying in a hospice is the tipping point to happiness. If you can change your emotions by “flipping a switch” then why do we choose to be unhappy?
Planning for Happiness! The Surfer as Your Guide
Once you allow yourself to recognize the difference between how you act when happy and how you are when you are unhappy, it should be clear which traits, behaviors, attitudes and experiences you need to repeat to keep an upbeat, happy state.
How then can you sustain that feeling after you “flip the switch”? While there is more than one right answer, I believe the first thing you need is a plan. And this brings me back to the surfer.
I have lived in California off and on throughout my life and was always amazed at the attitudes of surfers. I would watch them ride the waves as I sped by the coast on my way to the office and see them in the evening, many hours later, celebrating what appeared to be a very laid back, unproductive day. I wondered why they all seemed so happy and content.
Ever met a down or sad surfer? I haven’t. I wondered how they didn’t get bored and how surfing could be enough to sustain them and the like. And suddenly, it dawned on me…While you may not necessarily see the inherent plan in a surfer’s routine, there is one.
They “research” when will be the best time to surf that day and week. They “consider” the timing of the tides, wind measurement and direction. They “prepare” everything they need to be in the water surfing that day. They factor all of this into their plan determining where and when to surf. They go out into the water and wait “for the right wave and time” to ride.
Any surfer will tell you, the “waiting” is the worst part-but necessary since it’s part of the process. And when they see the “potential” in an “incoming wave”, they ride for all their worth. If they crash or fall, they paddle out again and “try over”.
They learn to ride the waves, both good and bad and hang on when things get rough. And there are some valuable lessons to be drawn from this sport. Having a plan that you believe in, is a meaningful prerequisite to happiness.
Working the research on where you will search and with what firms; preparing and then waiting for the right wave to appear; trying your hardest to ride that wave and give it all you’ve got. If you fall, paddle out with a positive attitude that the next great wave is coming…because the tide changes every day.
A job search is a full time job – if you do it right. You need a plan if you are doing what you should be doing to find a job, i.e. tapping the “known” and “hidden” job market, generating names, companies, recruiters, job board info etc.
that should be organized in some way. You need to create “Lead Log” so you can access the date, name, company or conversation you have had with someone about a job.
Trust me, keeping track of the calls and what companies you’ve applied to can be daunting when the phone rings and you don’t recognize the person or company’s name.
In addition to your “Job Lead Log”, using a Monthly Goal Calendar can be helpful. (You can go to calendarhome.com to create a blank monthly calendar).
This monthly calendar should contain your plan for the month by day. When you were working – you had some form of structure. Now you have replaced that structure with your own Plan. In addition to the goals and tasks associated with a job search, you also need to have “meaning” in your life.
You need to schedule a meeting with “meaning”. By this I mean that you must have at least one meaningful task that enriches your life on the calendar each day.
A walk, a visit to a neighbor, a meeting with a prospective company representative, a networking meeting, dinner with the family – anything you find meaningful that enriches your life will make you feel good. Meaning is in the eye of the beholder so do not let anyone tell you otherwise. Once again,
based on research with thousands of individuals in job transition, you must have at least one meaningful task that enriches your life on the calendar for each day.
Recognizing Victories & Defeat
A job will come. It always does -though it may not look like you wanted it to, or needed it to, or planned on. When opportunities arise, it is important to celebrate them as a victory – even if they are not perfect or right for you. It’s also important to recognize the defeats. Letting go of what doesn’t work is critical. Being happy is a victory, in the face of joblessness. Being unhappy is nothing, if not defeating.
You can’t win without a victory. No one ever wins in defeat. Choose happiness as your guide to your search.
